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My heart feels broken…

February 29, 2012

I have had the most amazingly full week with Connor staying day and night. Now he is home with his mommy and I am heading away for a weeks family vacation with my dad, husband and 16 year old daughter. I should be feeling happy but all I feel is empty. I love my grandson more than words can say and I cannot wait to get back home and be beside him again…watching him learn and learning FROM him! Now to catch up on the last couple days of crazy playing…

     I took Connor for a walk a couple days ago. He decided to head up a trail through the woods, we got half way up and he basically pulled my hands, while leaning on my legs for support at the same time…we must have done a mile of hiking! Everytime I grew tired, he’d pull harder and shout, “climb!” I am smart enough to know we are walking into trouble yet his way to adorable stubborness to get to the top made me continue up. Once up, comes what? “Down!” Well, he had fun half the way back down, we took the road, so a LOT easier than the woods…he sat and scooted on his butt, laughing…while I listened for any traffic that might come. There wan’t any, thank goodness. After awhile, exhaustion hit. Yeah, I knew it was going to happen. UP on Nana’s back and then laying limply so I had to hang onto him to be sure he didn’t fall…the rest of the way down. He was simply too exhausted to continue. I think that would have hurt my body no matter what, but lupus and the walk have kicked my butt since a few hours after getting back home. Joints are in agony, back is having spasms….sadly, I’d do it all again. He learned a lot, gained new ways to keep balance when it was difficult and used words like up and down. I’ll heal, and in my heart and head I’ll take the memory of his ‘climb!’ and the sound of his happy laugh with me for the rest of my life. I should have finished college, because the one thing I know today is that I should be working with children who have LD! I thrive on it. I taught pre-school in Ireland as well as Montessori for years, the rules were a lot different there then they are here in the U.S.! Here I need more education. Who knows maybe when I get home I’ll be one of those mom’s…that goes back to school late in life, why the heck not?! Doubtful I’ll find a job in the school system with all the cutbacks but at least I’ll know I finished!

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From → A Day In Life...

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