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Sharing has been one of the topics brought up by Connor’s special ed teacher. Actually, I think Connor is fabulous at sharing. I’m not sure why she brought it up. I took Connor out for a treat and asked him if I can have a bit of his juice and it became difficult to get him to stop trying to get me have a bit of his food or drink afterward. We sat and played with some blocks and took turns building. He seems to have this sharing thing down quite well. I’m curious about how that will go when he is with other children…but for now, I am really proud of him!

Lately, I’ve been putting more effort into trying to get books I’ve written published. That meant getting back to the first blog I had ever created and trying to reach out to followers who have probably long sense forgotten me. While on that blog I realized that perhaps I need to ‘share’…so I introduced Connor and this blog. That leads me to sharing the desire to become a published author side of me…and introducing that blog. HA! Here is my word though, this blog will not become a blog about writing and the joy or pain it can bring…this blog is for my personal life and most of all to keep up with Connor and his growth. That blog will become specifically about writing…So, if you want to learn that side of my life as well, please check out: If you just want the personal side, stay here…Thanks for taking the time to read and share with me!


The Magic In His Eyes

I took Connor back to his special education teacher last week. We had a good visit and spoke about dislikes of Connor’s, and how I feel about Montessori approach vs forcing him to take in yet another puzzle. She was very good, took it in and actually put puzzles to the side. She set out a few choices for him and watched him pick them up and then tried to get him to communicate about things. He was not really interested in anything but he hasn’t been in 3 months so I am sure it will happen with a little time. We are not really pushing much right now as they are wrapping up for summer. I just wanted to get acquainted and talk about what we can expect for the Fall. I was thrilled when she agreed to start meeting at my house this Fall. I think Connor will learn a LOT more in the house, where he is used to being. He’s comfortable here and not walking into a new room, filled with new things to explore. That should make it a LOT easier for him to focus on what she is hoping to bring his attention to. Two days later he went to speech therapy. She is not at all interested in coming to my house BUT Connor lit up for her. I have actually never seen him function in quite the way I saw on that day. She pulled out a toy kitchen and a lot of play food. He sat in the middle of piles of food and picked out an apple, a carrot…he cooked his carrot and recited after Miss Cathy, “cook carrot.” He cut some of the play food that was designed to cut, with enthusiasm and just had a blast. I don’t have a toy kitchen but you better bet I will have one soon. He also pulled out her giraffe, tiger and lion. He told her each ones name and that they roar. Then he got out her dinosaurs and used the words dinosaur and T-Rex and told her they roar. Then he got out all her bears, the Panda, the Polar bear, the Grizzly bear and I’m sure there was another one. Anyway, then he did this funny thing I’ve never seen him do before. He took a small moose and rammed it into the dinosaurs until each one fell over and then asked them, “Are you okay?” He moved them to one area of the table. Then the tiny moose did the same to the zoo animals, leaving them all on their sides and placing them in another area of the table. It was then that he sat to play with his bears. He asked for a baby bear, which she found and gave him. Then he told her, “babies, say waaaa.” He played with the bears for awhile, matching the one little baby to the proper mommy bear. As we were leaving he pointed the butterfly on a shelf up high and announced, “butterfly.” All of this was a LOT of communication for Connor. He didn’t say any new words but the amount of communicating was awesome. On a high, I decided to venture to the Super-Walmart and grocery shop. While walking we noticed numbers, he informed me they were numbers and named a few. Then we started talking about the color green. His special ed teacher had helped me see that I was missing quite a few necessary elements and teaching him colors and shapes would be where I need to improve. Sooo, I picked green. We found a green watermelon straight away. He was fascinated and I rather began to regret the introduction of a green watermelon so early into the shopping trip, haha. He insisted on carrying the watermelon, which meant putting him in the seat of a basket and propping the heavy thing on his lap while keeping it balanced as I walked and talked about other things. He pointed to a lime and declared it an orange; of course I told him it was a green lime. He had to have two of them. So as we are buying food for the house, we are also balancing a heavy watermelon in his lap AND carrying two green limes. We found some green broccoli…yes I bought it and put it in the back of the basket. This carried on until he found green kitchen gloves, which he had to have and wear the remainder of the shopping spree…yes green gloves that are the size of a large hand do make carrying a watermelon and two limes even more difficult…and yes I did decide it was time to pay for things and leave about this time. He informed the check out lady he had green super hero gloves on. I have to tell you, I do not believe I have EVER had a happier day with Connor. Oh, I did forget to tell you that he also asked for taco’s when I passed that aisle. I bought the taco kit and all the fixings. When I left the store, he threw a royal temper fit. Strangely, I found that to feel quite awesome. How many kids enjoy an outting to the shopping center so much that leaving is worthy of a fit? Then it was time to take him home. As soon as we arrived at his house he informed me he was hungry. I told his dad and hugged him goodbye. I wish I had not turned around to see his sad face as I left. It made me feel so guilty. I did remember to leave the watermelon with him and the green gloves. Forgot the limes…once I got home and unpacked, I recalled the conversation about taco’s. I wanted to cry. How could I buy all that and not feed him a taco. I sent a message to his mom at work telling her what a great day we had and explaining that if they had any taco stuff, Connor had been asking for them. To my surprise, she had taken a break from work and fed the boy chicken taco’s! My day was made…I hope his was too.

Half Full Or Half Empty?

We all know the expression, “Is the glass half empty or half full.’ My glass has always been half empty. In fact it’s just been empty. Forget the word half – completely!!! I love to read when people say, “as a person who has always been a half-full kind of character.’ Really? Those people exist? As I age I find I’ve put a lot of different colors of glasses on…including rose colored. About a year or a little more ago, I adopted this new attitude, it’s a refuse to allow my brain to dwell on ‘negative’ attitude. When negative hits, I try to shut up and find something humorous about the situation. Strangely enough, almost every situation has humor hidden in it…at least with enough time. For some odd reason today the dumbest question popped into my brain. Literally, almost like I was reading it on Twitter or a FB status. The question went like this: If your entire world had to become one color…any shade of that color…but just one color what would you choose? At first I thought white, crisp, clean, and fresh! While white can conjure a feeling of clean in my brain, it comes in very few shades. The contrast to make the world possible would not become clear enough in the pictures my mind began to create. Then I went to yellow. No matter what shade of yellow I used, once again, the outline of things was not clear enough. I tried red. Shades of red seemed to work better. You can use very soft shades, purple shades, blue shades and really dark ones too. It started to irritate me rather quickly though. It was easier to see than white and yellow but it started to feel a bit like permanent sunburn. Then I switched to green, it is my favorite color after all! Shades of green were actually really nice. A green sea against a green sky, palest green sunshine…which felt a lot more like the moon. Green offers dark and light shades, so you can easily see the outlines. I could live with this one…yes…green. Really a sane person would not have allowed these thoughts to go this far, being bored I guess, my mind refused to be satisfied. I then began to see the world in shades of blue. An argument broke out amongst the characters I keep stored away in dark places up there. “You can’t have a blue world, blue represents sadness.” “Are you crazy? Blue represents peaceful, like the deep blue ocean!” Okay what little sanity I have left told them to both shut up. <Oh crap, did I just refer to that moment as sanity?> I just wanted to see the pictures pass by in shades of blue…and darn it all…blue worked too. Back and forth between blue and green, pictures were strolling through my mind…when I realized something rather important. This entire process I am going through is utter nonsense. So I got up and decided to blog about it, ha-ha! <shrugging as I enter anything further, because after all…if you’ve gone this far into announcing you are an off kilter kind of person…what the heck!> If you had to choose one color and all the variations of that color for your world, what would you choose and why?Image This picture was taken from <to that person, I hope you do not mind my using your picture…if you do let me know and I will change it! I googled blue world and images and fell in love with yours!>

Epic Fail


I was kept awake until after 3:00 in the morning last night, by neighbors that use their cabin as a get-a-way. In truth it wasn’t the neighbor, but his young son, who came out and seemed to be having a very ‘happy’ night. I’m sure he enjoyed his peaceful sleep in, while this family was up at 6:00 to prepare for real life. I’m not complaining…I was young once too.  The thing is, when my husband emailed the owner to explain that we need the week days to be quieter, especially right now while my 16 year old is taking finals in her high-school and college classes…he received a quick response saying he was not there but his young son has been visiting and has been spoken to. He went on to say his son would probably show up to meet us and apologize. Honestly, that was not necessary. I appreciate the daddy response though. At 8:30, my daughter and I had given up on expecting anyone and were curled on the couch in our comfy over-sized T-shirts watching Glee, when the dog went wild. The outside light kicked on and I quickly dropped to the floor; crawling, I put the dog in the bathroom while telling my daughter firmly to the turn the television off, “now!” As I get back to the safe, non-viewable from the door side of the sofa, she whispers loudly, “Why?” I replied, “I think there is a man at the door and I am so not getting up like this!” She looks at me and bursts into laughter, something like, “There’s a MAN out there,” erupts loudly from her mouth as her body goes flat across the couch.  I hit the floor beneath her and as our eyes met, we both began laughing hysterically. The only seconds ago, running television just switched off, laughter emitting from the seemingly empty room…I’m sure he didn’t think anything strange at all…still shaking my head and shrugging…you don’t suppose he did, do you?  Ooops, is this considered an epic fail? <oh no!>


It’s been awhile since I wrote in here. It’s been awhile since I felt able to be still and write… Lots has happened, it just seemed too much to allow myself to find a safe, calm place to focus and think about something worth reading. I haven’t had Connor much lately. He’s been home with his mom and future dad quite a lot. I miss him with all my heart. He was here on Wednesday night. It was a rather awesome visit. He seemed so content with everything, happy and obviously trying harder to communicate, whether it was to ask me to play ball or just curl up with me…he felt more grown up. At one point he sat at the kitchen island and pointed at the banana’s saying, “Look!” I somewhat ignored him, simply responding, “yep those are banana’s.” As I walked past him, he shrugged and said, “well, can I have a banana?” I nearly fell over….a full and totally proper question! Hurray! I was thrilled! He even tossed out a few other small but complete statements. I’m not sure what is happening but he is absolutely starting to try to communicate more. I haven’t seen him since that day, thankfully he will be back to me tomorrow! I’ve missed him so much! During the week apart, my hubby was away, working construction…in todays times you take what you can, where you can and say thanks! My 16 year old came home burning up with a fever and in pain, turned out to be strep…that Thursday night after getting home from the doctor we noticed that local news on FB stated a young two and half year old boy had gone missing…he went missing from very near by. I followed it for awhile, by nightfall I had started to feel panic. He’s not mine, I’ve never set eyes on him but I am finding it hard to breathe. It was dark, a storm was coming and this young boy was still missing. We contacted everybody we could think of and asked them to start praying. I contacted my oldest daughter to find out if we could gather people and help search…by mid-night they were looking for people to help search but my 16 year old was burning up. I chose to stay with her but proceeded to feel guilt and stress. I sat up all night. At 8:00 I was on my way to search. That poor baby…outside in the weather, in the dark, alone! We were super blessed actually; all the towns around us had thunderstorms beating down, with hail and heavy rain…we got lightening, in the distance…a little thunder…no real rain, just drizzle and no hail. I think prayer is an awesome thing…God really was good to this town, to that boy! I had only just arrived with my group to begin our search area when we got the call, “he’s been found, ALIVE!” I wept with joy and relief. On the way to start the search I was hit with vivid pictures of him drowning, or finding him dead. Horrible thoughts and fears were setting in. I was saying outwardly to others, ‘the weather was amazing, the way it held off…he’s so going to be okay when we find him!’ Internally I was not calm! I’m sure they noticed, what with the tears that would flow every now and the fact I could not choke out a response to questions at times. Who would think that a child one has never met could set off so much emotion. When I returned home I continued to follow the news, posting when I could…any truths they had to offer in regards to Austin Frey. He is home, he is safe, he is healthy. It feels a huge miracle. I just do not understand why it is that last night is the first night I have slept since this happened. I don’t know the baby, I am certain I shouldn’t feel this deep of an emotion. Easter came, Easter went…My husband came home…and still I feel like I’ve walked through something so testing, so draining. It is affecting everything in my life and I can’t explain why. It makes no sense. All I know is that I feel like I am dreaming and I just can’t wake up. When I drift into real dreams I am walking through woodlands searching for a child…sometimes Austin, sometimes my grandson…the dreams are always really nightmares and never take me someplace pretty. I am so thankful Austin is safe and well! I am hoping that last nights sleep is the start of my mind and body accepting that nothing bad has happened here…and will allow me to ‘feel’ peaceful and calm again! Maybe tomorrow when I get to hold Connor in my arms again I will finally click! For now, I just wanted to write would I could, to keep up with others out there. I promise to wake up and be back with more ‘happy’ words soon!

American Idol

Image Oh, I know that headline will totally grab an audience! <grins> It’s true, I watch it…faithfully. I don’t even know why I do it. During the first few weeks, I always feel like the kids are so bad. that they should just raise their hand and announce somewhat proudly, “I suck, I know it…and I voluntarily remove myself from this competition.” They never do, they never will, and then magically by the time we are down to 9 youngsters, I start to feel like some of them are actually good! This week I surprised myself, or rather…Elise shocked the heck out of me. With her Led Zeplin sounds, her awesome energy and that Steven Tyler outfit, I felt a “Whole Lotta Love!” In fact I voted over 50 times for her, while my teen daughter added another 50. I’ve only ever voted one other time in my life, and it was purely because I felt so sorry for the ugliness toward poor Timmy of 2 years ago. I dailed the number once and then went to bed. So it surprised me when I found myself glued to redial last night… Still, I was so impressed that I did announce to both my husband and my daughter, that someday, I am so going to marry that girl! To think she has been in the bottom 3 almost every show! Wow! Okay, I didn’t tell you guys anything about Connor today…just a little about myself. Hope the change of topic doesn’t lose anybody! Sometimes, you gotta break free and have a little fun with life. I guess in the end, that is why I watch American Idol…hoping for one night of feeling some magic. Even if the magic is happening to somebody I don’t know, somebody I will never meet…it’s a joy to watch them finally hit that moment on stage when they know they finally ‘arrived!’  You watch their face light up and suddenly their world feels brighter! That moment happened for Elise, last night, without a doubt! Counter that high with the weekly low, I hate that any kid has to be voted off. I always feel sorry for them. If they would just sort of open their mind and volunteer to walk away…I’d be all over that. Heejun may not have been the strongest singer…but he sure was fun. Anyway, off with the old  and on with the new! If you didn’t see Elise’s performance, make sure you find her online and give the newest song a listen!!! You won’t regret it!

🙂 easy link to Elise’s “A Whole Lotta Love.”


Oh Happy DAYS! It was a bit of a laugh watching my daughter; Connor’s Mommy, and Connor playing around my house yesterday. Connor was miserably grumpy for some reason. Personally I think it is just his cough medicine making him feel that way…but he was moody! I think I changed his mood a little when I asked him if he wanted to yell…he looked at me very confused, with those big round eyes! So I let loose and yelled. He pretended to yell when I urged him to let one out too…it was a rather soft and lacking shout. So I yelled again, his mom joined in…he yelled in various voices. He really didn’t seem to have any more temper fits after that! Hahaha! Later, Mommy was outside by her truck and Connor wanted to get to her. He tried to tell her but she just assured him she’d be right back. Next thing you know he is straddled on the top of my deck rail! That boy! Not so bad on the front deck but the back deck is 2 floors up. He has NO idea what height is or that it is dangerous…sooo no outside play, without total, 100%, one on one attention! Anyway, my daughter suddenly realized that her low bank account had quite a bit more money in it than it should have. She was a little thrown back and excited. After a little research, she learned that SSI had finally begun paying them. Wow! What a wonderful surprise and appreciated bit of help. Now I have a question for other parents who have more knowledge on this subject. As his Nana, can I get the government to pay me for childcare? It’s not that I want to use anybody…but as you know the cost can get quite draining. I pay for special foods, special milk, special toys, and then this September the cost of gas back and forth to the school. I don’t mind doing any of it as I truly love him! If there is help though, it would be rather nice. If you know who to contact or if there is anyway to get started on finding this information out, please let me know! Thanks!